Worst Independence day!

14th August'2008

Since I woke up, I have been missing ammi and everyone back home. Went to high school saw the gruesome scenario there too. Girls half naked, guys in the most appalling outfits with piercing all over the body. Aaah, A sophisticated Pakistani elf couldn’t bear it! After the hectic day, I returned home and rushed to check mails and of course, wall posts. I was half way through when my host sister appeared telling me to turn off the computer in the utter rude manner. For a while, I was frozen but suddenly a video flashed in my mind, which melted the ice of distress! I was the Hitler, yelling at my younger siblings to stay away from my P.C. I miss that freedom, my P.C. Here it seems as if I am a prisoner or whatever! I quickly moved towards my bed after listening her command. I laid on the bed with my eyes wide open thinking about the past 16 years of my life, It’s the first time in my entire life that I am in a absolutely new place among rubbish people (that’s not for everyone). I closed my eyes tightly and fiercely covered myself with the blanket. I wanted to see my loved ones, my land after opening the eyes but when I did…I found myself still in that so called bedroom. Tears were already falling from eyes, the eyes that were cold and deep after bearing the inexpressible grief. The mixture of my emotions with salt slipped off my cheeks and neck to my hair, the solution found it’s way but my thoughts and feelings were still wandering and had no direction to follow! I kept on thinking about the memories of everyone back home and tears too accompanied me (see how sincere they are!) With the voice of my host mom I was distracted from the world of loved ones, I didn’t want her to see my swollen eyes so remained beneath the blanket until she left the room giving the news that she is going to Wal-mart. I certainly hate the disturbance but then I tried to engross again in the reminiscences but all my efforts went in vain and so I decided to take shower. I bath for 60 minutes even though the A.C is just impossible to tolerate. After shower, I again got into the quilt and stared the pillow, which I have been hugging, which shared all my depression, which embraced all my sorrow and pain and gave me an indescribable protection, a sense of being acknowledged. I hugged it again…**sigh** I feel so relax after embracing it…. finally I read the most valuable letter and while reading it I didn’t realize when the tears turned into smile and I fell asleep….